Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
