Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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