they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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