All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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