If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
