Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
