Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
