Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
