Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
