I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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