I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
