if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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