currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
