That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
