spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
