i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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