This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
