So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
