I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
