and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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