you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
