JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we're making bets on your personal life
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I wish there were birth control emojis
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
