I just made out with a guy for $7.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
