I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
