Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
When did we convert life to cartoon?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I did not marry a roomba.
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