We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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