well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
