Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
is it fun? or sober?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
