just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
