Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
