Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
whose parrot is this?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
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