is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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