theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
