you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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