i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
