So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
