It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
this beer tastes like vomit already
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
