I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
