He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
