yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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