Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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