then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
