just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
