Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
