Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
