what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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