i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
