im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
