I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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