If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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