What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
