hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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