I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
