I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
