I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
