what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
