That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Randomize
