Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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