Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
