i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
